Wrinkles & Roots....

So, I'm not sure if I should hug my sister or slap her....I mean, if I slap her, it will be in a "sisterly love" kind of way...

She just got a new computer and she has these really cool features on it...I'm not going to go into detail here....if you want more on these features, tune into any Primetime show and wait for the commercial that starts out "Hi, I'm a Mac...Hi, I'm a PC"....

Anyway, she was just making some fun videos of the kids (which they loved...especially the "chipmunk" voice feature) and then off to bed they went, without a hitch, just brushed their teeth, tucked themselves in and they were off to Dreamland.....(nah, not really, but let's pretend it happened that way...)

My sister, being the extremely hilarious person that she is, decided it would be really funny to leave the camera running (kind of like a Big Brother/Supernanny episode) and captured some really stimulating video of my husband and I fighting over the correct way to do our child's homework and me carrying a bunch of dirty laundry around the house while complaining that all I do are dishes and laundry all day...it was thrilling. If anyone would like to see it, just send me an email.....it will also be on YouTube momentarily....

I guess the whole point of this is that two things happened here tonight..the first is that I came up with the title for my new book 'Wrinkles & Roots" and second, I verified one of my biggest fears: YES, I LOOK OLDER. YES, THIS LAST BIRTHDAY HURT A LITTLE...ACTUALLY QUITE A LOT. YES, I WOULD GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL OR COLLEGE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY.

I remember the days where I could just throw on a baseball hat with no makeup and go out to breakfast and I still looked just as good as I did the night before (well, at least I thought that). These days, if I leave the house with a baseball hat on and no makeup I am usually greeted with "What's wrong?", "Are you sick?" or "Have you given up totally?"

I guess, part of getting older, having another birthday and feeling like you just completed your millionth load of laundry is that sometimes you don't feel too glamorous. Sometimes, you wonder why you have more wrinkles (let's call them laugh lines - it sounds "prettier"), dark roots (my daughter always asks me why I have so many different colors in my hair) and a few extra lbs. on the ol' frame. Do I embrace it? Do I scream? Or do I relocate to SoCal and get my lips plumped and my thighs sucked out?

I guess I'm not sure of the answer to this one. When I do decide to finally pen my memoir, 'Wrinkles & Roots", please be sure to all buy a copy and I might let you slap my sister for free.

Rockin' Out in the Mumu......

So, it's Friday....and 2 out of my 3 kids are at home with me today. There is a possibility of rain in the forecast which means for me that I hide out in the house all day and when my 5 & 1 year old sons start to jump off the furniture for entertainment...I act surprised.

I decided that today is a perfect "mumu" day. If I had a mumu I would rock it out today..I might add a necklace or some fuzzy slippers to make it a little more appealing but I would be wearing it all day. Am I embarrassed that someone might come to my door and find me in this get up? Not at all.....

As a good old friend once said to me (a few months back), when I "acted" embarrassed that he had "caught me" unshowered that day and still in my pajamas at 4:00 p.m., "Don't worry Meagan, I have known you a long time and I have seen you look a lot worse." Well, thank you kind friend, I think........

I guess I just have a problem with trying to fit my mom butt & cankles in to some overpriced Juicy sweatsuit only to have all the fun "surprises" that I find on a daily basis ruin my $200 terry cloth number in one fell swoop.....

For example, I just opened my freezer this morning and encountered one of my child's "experiments" (as she lovingly refers to them). Within seconds of opening the door, I met an avalanche of "heart shaped half frozen ice cubes made out of yogurt, water and some other liquid" that apparently hadn't froze all of the way yet. I guess that's my bad. I probably should just stay out of there and hope for the best.

Example #2 would be when my youngest son likes to use me as his "human tissue". I don't think I have to go into much detail here. Apparently, if you don't have a tissue handy...I'm your go-to-girl. He especially likes to come up to me and spit out anything that he has put in his mouth and then deems unsuitable for his palette.

Another reason why a mumu would be perfect for me is because of some of the scarier "items" I come across in my house from time to time. Obviously, if I had a cleaning person, I wouldn't be subjected to these things, but my husband wasn't swayed by this argument so here I am.

Yesterday I was walking past the doorway and thought we had adopted some sort of new furry creature, which wouldn't be that weird around here as we are animal lovers. Just last month I came home to find some frogs and a snail on my kitchen counter with a note that said "Dear Meag, Here are the perfect pets for the kids! Love, Mom" Thanks Mom......I'll be sure to repay the favor at a later date........Anyway, back to the furry creature......it turned out that it was not in fact alive, just a ball that had been created, much like the tumbleweeds you see in the desert. The recipe? Some dog hair, a daughter that brushes her locks more than Marcia Brady and construction at your neighbor's house, and you have a perfect and unique dust bunny. If I was wearing the mumu when I found that little gem, I could have begun my spring cleaning (so what that it's fall....some of us have been busy, OK?). So, instead of cleaning, I threw some water on "it" to see if it would multiply and when that didn't work I set him up with the frogs and the snail, they seemed lonely.

So, if anyone knows where I can get a mumu (please don't tell me to go to some smelly army/navy story...I can't take those places), let me know. Until then, I'll just keep avoiding doing all the things a "housewife" should be doing during the day, because after all, you need the proper clothes to do your job well and I obviously need to go shopping. Maybe I'll open up a mumu store......I think more people would wear them if they were readily available.....don't you? And thank you Mrs. Roper (and her stylist), I never knew that all those years that I invested into Three's Company would come back to help me at some point later on in life...

Oh, the lazy days of summer......

It's official, Julie McCoy has left the building......she up and packed her bags, got a drink with Gopher and took the first train out of here........all that's left after this whirl wind of a summer is an exhausted, pickled liver attached to a slightly heavier & squishier version of me. It's not that I didn't have a fun summer, I did. It's not that there weren't plenty of vacations, pool days, beach trips and whatnot.....I am just done. I am done being the cruise director....the go-to-girl for your day's itinerary. I want the teachers, the instructors and the coaches back. I want other adults to be responsible for my kids, their activities & their daily needs (well at least from about 8 - 3).

I have run out of ideas for sunny days, I am fresh out of creative thoughts during rainy days and for those days that are in between, I find myself encouraging multiple hours of TV and inappropriate movies (only PG of course) for my children to watch.

Today is a prime example of what I am talking about...it was about 100 degrees out and the kids and I had enough sun from the last few days that we just needed a break. We are 110% Irish and I don't think my son has any room left on his nose for another freckle and my husband keeps telling me that my neck/chest region is starting to look like Magda's (please refer to "Something About Mary" for details....) So......we were trapped inside and I was completely at a loss. I decided that I was going to arrange "playdates" for my older kids and then the rest of the day they would have to be creative on their own....thus, the Ginley Ghetto Games were born......Triple G's for short......

GGG#1:

Give your kids a box of markers (preferably the "washable" kind but we all know that is false advertising...shame on you Crayola...) When you come upstairs after folding 50 lbs. of laundry and you see that your son's body looks like and episode of L.A. Ink, you can thank your daughter. When she then exclaims that she is "not going back to school and is moving to Venice and opening a tattoo parlor" you can only blame yourself.

GGG #2:

Use the rain water that has collected in your $9 plastic pool and tell your kids to take a dip to cool off. Never mind those floating bug bodies or the mosquito larvae, as my dad used to say, "It puts hair on your chest!" Now, if your kids tell you the water is too hot, throw a box of freezer burned Popsicles in the water to cool it down. If they act bored or complain tell them enthusiastically it is time to "bob for Popsicles" or act like the multi-colored water is really fascinating.

GGG #3:

People who have been to my house can attest to the fun of this game as it "kills two birds with one stone"......If you have one of those inflatable water slides blow it up and get the water going. Fill the bottom part (a.k.a. the pool) with shampoo or body wash (tear free is best but if you are out just throw some Salon Selectives in there and tell them to keep their eyes shut tight) - See! Now the kids are having fun and you don't have to worry about bath time tonight.......

I tend to find that doing two things at once is really very economical and a huge time saver (i.e. using the sprinkler to water the lawn and also having the kids run through it to get sand off their bodies, I'm also a huge fan of eating outside and finishing it off with something sticky so then I have an excuse to hose them off and I don't look like the crazy mom my neighbors have made me out to be.......)

So, you see, my kids are better off back in school, where they belong. It is starting to get dangerous around here and it's only a matter of time before someone picks up the phone and calls some government agency on me. Let's get back to the schedules, back to the grind, back to a time where I can nap quietly and no one is prying my eyelids open "claiming" there is some sort of "emergency".......

Better Late Than Never......?

I just decided to take a break from writing my son's "thank you" notes from his birthday...my hand was cramping up and I was running out of creative adjectives........

Before you all start thinking about how amazing I am for fitting this into my jam packed schedule of summer activities....consider this.....my son's birthday was back in April.....and his party was in the beginning of May.....that's right folks - it has taken me 3 months to write up the thank you's and start getting them into the mail! I guess I got confused along the way and thought that you had a year to thank people after occasions - or is that just for weddings? Or is that just for "giving" a gift to the happily married couple? Are there rules for how long is TOO long? Would you rather receive a thank you note in the mail really, really late or really, really never?

In my defense (sort of) I lost the "thank you" list as I had written it down in a really poor place (on the back of a well-intentioned "What's for Dinner This Week" notepad) and it was misplaced for a while. Every few nights, after the kids were asleep, I would shuffle some papers around and try and locate it, but to no avail. To comfort myself, I would make myself a cocktail and as I sipped it through my fancy straw and twirled my cute little drink umbrella, I would think up a new strategy.

The bigger issue is that I seem to have this problem all the time. I continually find myself being late on sending pretty much everything to where it is supposed to be....

- School papers & permission slips....bad when the teacher has to email you repeatedly.

- Subscription renewals & birthday cards......I always seem to at least "buy' the cards on time, it's just the sending that's hard for me......

- RSVP's & "Will you be having the chicken or fish?" cards....I can't tell you how many calls I have received from "Bridezilla" or her mom......

- Signing the kids up for dance class or Sunday school....bless me Father for I have sinned (again..)

- Following up on mostly everything in life.....priceless?

I'm not sure when this happened exactly - I think that with the birth of each child it just got gradually worse. Not that it's their fault or anything like that.....I guess I just find myself spending my time differently now and my free time (when I should be writing thank you notes etc. is spent rejuvenating my body with a cold beverage...or two.....or three.......)

I feel really terrible that people obviously think I am ungrateful for their gifts, their time and/or their generosity - the truth is that I AM grateful but I am unable to put that into words, place it in an envelope and lick a stamp (too many steps....they have got to come up with something easier than this). Something that, in theory, should only take a few minutes seems like such a daunting task, one that is pushed to "tomorrow" and then, the next thing you know, it is months later and most people forgot they even gave your child something for their birthday (or they think you are a big jackass.....one of the two....)

Perhaps, I should think about having another baby because then everyone in town would refer to me as the "crazy mom with four kids, who never thanks people for anything and really should be put in a padded cell" - THEN maybe people wouldn't expect anything from me....hmmm.....maybe I'll give this idea some more thought.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll treat myself to a nice beverage and mull this one over........and then get back to trying to thank people the proper way (my mom would be so proud)......

Nobody puts Baby in the corner...

As a family, we have had our share of "doozies" when it comes to vacations....I think it's normal for all families to have one or two "interesting" things happen during a trip, but it seems like my family tends to have more "Griswold-like" experiences than most......

Our most recent trip started out last week in beautiful Lake George, NY. I couldn't wait to get out of my house and get away from mostly everything for two weeks. We had the rental house lined up for a few months as my dad had generously secured it for my entire family to use and we couldn't wait to get there. We showed up at our rented house after four hours of driving (which felt more like 12 hours with two kids asking you if "you were there yet" since you left your driveway and one kid not napping but screeching "bye bye" continuously....).

The rental house was basically the one that inspired the screenplay for "The Money Pit" & possibly "Psycho" as well - it was practically falling into the lake and when we asked the owner where the "sandy beach for the kids" was? His reply, "I didn't say there was a 'sandy beach', I said there was sand in the water and it was kind of like the beach". Ohhhhh......I guess we read the ad wrong then...... The entire house was leaning towards the water and as I made my way through the second floor I had to walk "uphill" to the back of the house. Hmmmmm.....so far, this was not going quite like we planned. So, we quickly retreated, and after multiple other Griswold moments (including trying to kill some time at a nearby playground and almost getting struck by lightning as a tropical storm rolled in), we found probably the dirtiest motel (yes, I said "motel") room on the lake and made camp for the night. It was comforting to find a "gently used" glue trap below my pillow....I at least felt like the hotel management was trying to do something about the pest problem....

Day #2 brought just as much drama but in a very different way. We drove up and down the western side of the lake all day trying to find a new place to rent as we had three cars packed to the roofs and we were not going home without a fight. We pulled into a nearby lodge as we were exhausted and hungry and about to kill each other. As I stepped out of the car I could almost hear the song in my head... "Now I..........had....the time of my life........". The peppy director of the Lodge greeted us and began telling us about all the activities that the Lodge had to offer......I was barely listening as she listed off "movie night...indoor pool..midnight buffet" - I was too busy looking around at all the families that were presently staying at the Lodge. They had to be plants, there was NO way these people could be real. I looked over at the Shuffleboard court (yes, I said Shuffleboard) and Perfect Family #1 was playing a friendly pre-dinner game. I reeled around and saw Perfect Family #2 splashing each other in their own version of "Paddleboat Wars".....now my head was spinning.....was a guy carrying two watermelons going to pop out of the bushes and ask me if I could give him a hand? Were Conga lessons being offered on the south lawn? Were my sister and I going to lay in beds that were side by side that night and discuss our trouble with boys?

Fast forward to that night....as I tried to get some sleep.....my sister and my two boys and I were all sharing one room in our cabin as my sister refused to sleep in her own room as she had discovered several spider nests earlier. Suffering from arachnaphobia, she was not going to go anywhere near her room for the remainder of our stay. I think we actually slept in our clothes that night for fear of touching the bed linens. The problem was that the genius that installed the air conditioner in our cabin decided to just saw a hole in the wall and throw the unit in and not put any insulation or anything around it. The were gaping holes around the A/C and had I not been delirious and dead to the world, I probably would have woken up during the feeding frenzy that ensued. When I woke up the next morning, my family barely recognized me, my eyes were basically squished shut as I was one giant mosquito bite (oh yeah, don't leave out the spiders that decided I looked irresistible as well!)

Later on, wearing my "Off Fan Belt" (yep, I am that cool....) on the playground, we were attacked, without warning, by miniature Pterodactyls that actually drew blood. It took me days to wash the clumps of dried blood out of my poor baby's hair - it was that bad. Being partly crazy & a hypochondriac to boot, I was "Googling" Triple EEE & Encephalitis all week, convinced that I, or someone I loved, had some sort of mosquito borne illness and that person was going to be placed in quarantine. As we left the Lodge, the director yelled out "Don't forget! Wednesday night is Caribbean night! Be sure to come back" (Ummm, yeah Lady, we'll be the first ones here......I'll bring my own maracas.....)

Needless to say, we found a house and people who didn't know exactly "who" they were renting to (until it was too late - we were already in!) We are finally having a nice and relaxing vacation and we will most likely try it again next summer. Never mind, that my family has told me several times that my kids are "out of control" or that most likely we will not be "asked back" next year by the owners of the house due to my children's screaming. I have to say I will always have fond memories of this trip. My daughter has come to love counting all my insect bites and putting our Burt's Bees stick on them to give me some temporary relief. Both of my older kids have adopted crayfish and think that we are actually taking them home to live with us. And I believe the baby might think that he will be sleeping in between my husband and I until he goes to college...as he apparently climbs out of a Pak-n-Play now (we unfortunately didn't have a plan B).....

So here I sit, ready to continue on to week #2 of vacation......I'm not sure what else could happen but stay tuned......hopefully Aunt Edna won't be part of the story........

Summer Musings...

It could be the incessant rain, or the fact that I may be feeling like I need some parental training, but I find myself wondering what I could be doing better as a mom to three young children.

Over the past few days, I have been looking at various friend's "Fun in the Sun - Summer 2009" albums and I find myself not having too many of my own to post or even share with others at this point. Yes, we are only a few weeks into the summer but if I had to name this summer so far it would be called 'The Summer That My Kids Decided They Don't Care to Listen To A Word I Say" or "The Summer I Looked Into Behavior-Themed Day Camps For My Children".

Don't they have an aisle in Barnes & Noble for this problem? I swear I have seen people crouching amongst "those" shelves as I walk by sipping my Chai Tea latte looking for the latest "teen" thriller.... (snickering to myself and lamenting that THOSE parents must not know the first thing about raising children or they wouldn't need a book...)

Well people, the time has come for me to buy up that aisle in full, in fact, I think I'll visit amazon.com later tonight and purchase anything with the keywords "Behavior Modification" or "How to Turn Your Kids Into Robots"......obviously I'm kidding, but you catch my drift......

I have a Facebook account and I love checking in multiple times during the day to see what people are up to etc. Many times, it's mom friends who are posting things like "Making homemade brownies with the kids - we are having so much fun licking the bowl together - LOL!" or "The kids buried me in the sand today and I lost my car keys - guess we are sleeping on the beach tonight - LMAO!" Most of my status updates involve booze, my lack of exercise or the fact that my kids have worn a spot in the carpet on the stairs because the "timeout fairy" has visited us again (you have to put a cute spin on it or people will think you are a monster) ...maybe this is part of my problem.....

So.....my husband and I just put the kids to bed (finally!), after multiple discussions about what things they "lost" today due to bad behavior and I have vowed to start over again tomorrow. I will try not to raise my voice before 10:00 a.m., we'll do a few worksheets together and then maybe we'll make a giant poster that counts down the days until school starts again.......now that sounds like a plan.......

I'm waiting for the nominations to come in........

So, as I have mentioned MANY MANY times before.....I think I am definitely a candidate for "Mom of the Year" - not the one many people think of when they hear this term....you know who & what I'm talking about...that Mom who always has the clothes laid out the night before, lunches made and you see her at school drop off and she looks like she just came straight from the salon (you know when your hair stylist blows your hair out and you look like a million bucks for almost 24 hours...)...THAT Mom........

The "Mom" I'm talking about is more of a mom like me (kind of like at the Oscars....most people are waiting to see who won "Best Actor" because that is the most prestigious award......my award would be more like the one for "Best Original Dramatic Score" or something like that....) - just trying to get everyone on the same page here....

As I sit here writing this, I have just put the baby down for a nap in a swim diaper, yes I said it, a freakin' swim diaper.....why you ask? That's all that is available here right now....and what did my two older kids just have for lunch? The same thing they had for breakfast - duh! We have double breakfast around here - it gives the kids lots of carbs and an amazing sugar rush that usually ends in simultaneous meltdowns, it's a beautiful thing.....

It is only mid-June, school is winding down for my oldest, she only has one day left and my kids are already exclaiming that "They are very bored and their toys are for babies and they want to do something fun..." It might sound like I have a bunch of brats under my roof, and that might be true every so often....I think it's more a combination of the monsoon-like conditions outside and the fact that if I have to build one more Lego car I am going to go postal....seriously, don't be surprised Townspeople (you know who you are) if you hear of some whacked out chick on top of the Bell Tower with a semi-automatic weapon....or maybe a Nerf gun (cuz' that's all I really carry...)

I sit here wondering how I am going to get through two more months of summer when summer has only just begun, how am I going to not look like the crazy mom at the pool who can't control her kids? I am trying to be optimistic and figure out how I will manage but I truly believe this will be the toughest summer I have had since I decided to have kids......

I just warmed up my coffee in the microwave for the 4th time this morning and it is after lunch, I'm sure most people with kids at home have already done their meal planning for the week, played rainy day games and managed to iron their husband's shirts......all with a smile on their face of course.....

Me? I'll be lucky if I get to that mid-afternoon karate lesson with everyone in clothes that don't resemble pajamas.......Maybe I SHOULD just give in and let my kids do something they want to do....so far they have suggested taking all of the ingredients out of the cabinets and seeing what recipes they can invent (that sounds like a lot of fun for me!) or play with the neighbors chickens (more fun for me, not so much for my nice neighbor).......wow, being "Mom of the Year" is a lot of work, so many decisions to make.....