How to look like the town drunk....or just act like one.....

Need to make some new BFF's? Not enough drama in your life that you feel you need to create some more? Here is a PROVEN METHOD for getting the most out of your "night out" sans kids....

1. Attend an old friend's Birthday party and have two vodka drinks before even leaving the house while telling yourself you'll eat dinner AT the party

2. Arrive at the party with more vodka in hand explaining that you weren't positive there would be enough to drink there and you wanted to be sure there was enough for your "special" birthday cocktails

3. Bring your camera and once you are more at ease with your surroundings, start taking pictures of the attendees, even if you don't know them.... if it's a group of guys, don't be embarrassed by telling them to "smoosh together" and "put their arms around each other" - they will be totally comfortable with that.

4. Start drinking the punch and announce to anyone who will listen that you think it's "Placebo Punch" and there must not be any alcohol in it.

5. Make your own cocktails and ask anyone around you who looks the slightest bit interested if they want one, pay no attention to those who pour it down the drain, it's still a good drink in your eyes.

6. Keep taking pictures while shouting "Facebook!" - you will surely be a hit, especially with those who have decided to secretly smoke butts that night and you have now captured it all on film.

7. To the person who remarks that you "must have really liked those nachos" in front of your old boyfriend.....smear some bean dip on their butt and then ask them out loud if they are feeling ok?

7. Decide that Quarters will surely be a fun game and play it with a vodka drink, after all, you haven't done THAT before......

8. Call your designated driver and ask him if he will come back and pick you all up? After all, that's what we did in high school right?

9. Keep announcing out loud that the party is "SO funny, because it's like 1/2 high school, 1/2 people from town", even when people start moving away from you. You think it's funny, so that's all that matters........

10. Take off your shoes while you are waiting for your ride in the driveway and try and jump up and click your heels together, don't worry if there is broken glass or anything, you won't feel a thing. (Until the next day, you might have to ask someone to pull the glass out of your toe...)

11. Tell your driver that you LOVE Jeeps, the entire time that he is driving you home and yell in his ear and tell him all about that fact that you had a Jeep in high school, and BOY, do you miss those days.....

12. Overpay your babysitter when you get home....hmmm, let's say $60 for about 3.5 hours.......

13. Try and lay down immediately without getting ready for bed and then throw up until the next night at about 6:00 p.m. - you should feel like you have alcohol poisoning the entire next day and it may seem like you are back in the dorms except now you have to change poopie diapers and help your husband get the kids ready for Tee Ball.

14. The best part about this whole thing....you get to listen to your husband say for the next 24 hours, "Maybe playing Quarters with Vodka wasn't such a great idea, huh?" (Awesome observation hon!)

15. This obviously isn't "Foolproof" - you may have to tweak it a bit to make it work for your event....another thing you can also do that's really cool is make a lot of promises like "I am going to make a photo album documenting this event", "Can you sign me up for the 5:00 a.m. boot camp that you are doing?" or "I would love to do that Colon Cleanse with you....!"

Is there a "restart" button somewhere....?

....If you know where I can find this button, please let me know....

I have a very embarrassing thing to admit but I thought if I wrote it here then it would be something that I could avoid no longer and I would be forced to tackle this problem......

I just sorted my laundry (luckily it's in the basement) and I have close to 18 loads....I am not exaggerating, I am not attempting to be dramatic, it's a just a simple fact - I have 18 loads of freakin' laundry to do.  I figured out that if I try and conquer two full loads a day it will take me over a week to get this all done.  But, wait - I have to add in the one load a day that my family generates - my daughter changes her clothes about three times a day, my middle son still has some sort of "accident" and I have a toddler that loves to stomp in muddy puddles and is generally ignored when he has a full diaper (hey - he's #3 - it happens.....), my husband wears a "work" outfit and a "relaxing, hand down the pants, drink a beer, while watching TV" outfit, and I think I am the only one who wears something more than once.  Oh yeah, then there's the dog......

So, that all factored in, I will probably not catch up until about a month from now.......  Who finds themselves in this predicament besides me?  I'm sure most people stay on top of their laundry and have only a load a day or have some sort of really organized  "Laundry Wednesdays" or something queer like that....

Well, now it's official, I have "come out of the closet" with dirty laundry in hand and I am going to overcome this.  I know you are all dying to know what the outcome is so I'll keep you posted..... Then maybe I'll start working on having food in the pantry and fridge so my family has something to eat once in a while, I don't want to push myself too hard though, one thing at a time...........