Our most recent trip started out last week in beautiful Lake George, NY. I couldn't wait to get out of my house and get away from mostly everything for two weeks. We had the rental house lined up for a few months as my dad had generously secured it for my entire family to use and we couldn't wait to get there. We showed up at our rented house after four hours of driving (which felt more like 12 hours with two kids asking you if "you were there yet" since you left your driveway and one kid not napping but screeching "bye bye" continuously....).
The rental house was basically the one that inspired the screenplay for "The Money Pit" & possibly "Psycho" as well - it was practically falling into the lake and when we asked the owner where the "sandy beach for the kids" was? His reply, "I didn't say there was a 'sandy beach', I said there was sand in the water and it was kind of like the beach". Ohhhhh......I guess we read the ad wrong then...... The entire house was leaning towards the water and as I made my way through the second floor I had to walk "uphill" to the back of the house. Hmmmmm.....so far, this was not going quite like we planned. So, we quickly retreated, and after multiple other Griswold moments (including trying to kill some time at a nearby playground and almost getting struck by lightning as a tropical storm rolled in), we found probably the dirtiest motel (yes, I said "motel") room on the lake and made camp for the night. It was comforting to find a "gently used" glue trap below my pillow....I at least felt like the hotel management was trying to do something about the pest problem....
Day #2 brought just as much drama but in a very different way. We drove up and down the western side of the lake all day trying to find a new place to rent as we had three cars packed to the roofs and we were not going home without a fight. We pulled into a nearby lodge as we were exhausted and hungry and about to kill each other. As I stepped out of the car I could almost hear the song in my head... "Now I..........had....the time of my life........". The peppy director of the Lodge greeted us and began telling us about all the activities that the Lodge had to offer......I was barely listening as she listed off "movie night...indoor pool..midnight buffet" - I was too busy looking around at all the families that were presently staying at the Lodge. They had to be plants, there was NO way these people could be real. I looked over at the Shuffleboard court (yes, I said Shuffleboard) and Perfect Family #1 was playing a friendly pre-dinner game. I reeled around and saw Perfect Family #2 splashing each other in their own version of "Paddleboat Wars".....now my head was spinning.....was a guy carrying two watermelons going to pop out of the bushes and ask me if I could give him a hand? Were Conga lessons being offered on the south lawn? Were my sister and I going to lay in beds that were side by side that night and discuss our trouble with boys?
Fast forward to that night....as I tried to get some sleep.....my sister and my two boys and I were all sharing one room in our cabin as my sister refused to sleep in her own room as she had discovered several spider nests earlier. Suffering from arachnaphobia, she was not going to go anywhere near her room for the remainder of our stay. I think we actually slept in our clothes that night for fear of touching the bed linens. The problem was that the genius that installed the air conditioner in our cabin decided to just saw a hole in the wall and throw the unit in and not put any insulation or anything around it. The were gaping holes around the A/C and had I not been delirious and dead to the world, I probably would have woken up during the feeding frenzy that ensued. When I woke up the next morning, my family barely recognized me, my eyes were basically squished shut as I was one giant mosquito bite (oh yeah, don't leave out the spiders that decided I looked irresistible as well!)
Later on, wearing my "Off Fan Belt" (yep, I am that cool....) on the playground, we were attacked, without warning, by miniature Pterodactyls that actually drew blood. It took me days to wash the clumps of dried blood out of my poor baby's hair - it was that bad. Being partly crazy & a hypochondriac to boot, I was "Googling" Triple EEE & Encephalitis all week, convinced that I, or someone I loved, had some sort of mosquito borne illness and that person was going to be placed in quarantine. As we left the Lodge, the director yelled out "Don't forget! Wednesday night is Caribbean night! Be sure to come back" (Ummm, yeah Lady, we'll be the first ones here......I'll bring my own maracas.....)
Needless to say, we found a house and people who didn't know exactly "who" they were renting to (until it was too late - we were already in!) We are finally having a nice and relaxing vacation and we will most likely try it again next summer. Never mind, that my family has told me several times that my kids are "out of control" or that most likely we will not be "asked back" next year by the owners of the house due to my children's screaming. I have to say I will always have fond memories of this trip. My daughter has come to love counting all my insect bites and putting our Burt's Bees stick on them to give me some temporary relief. Both of my older kids have adopted crayfish and think that we are actually taking them home to live with us. And I believe the baby might think that he will be sleeping in between my husband and I until he goes to college...as he apparently climbs out of a Pak-n-Play now (we unfortunately didn't have a plan B).....
So here I sit, ready to continue on to week #2 of vacation......I'm not sure what else could happen but stay tuned......hopefully Aunt Edna won't be part of the story........
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