I'm not talking about the baby Excersaucer that my son has long outgrown that is stuffed in the rafters of our garage or the extra large Rubbermaid tote in the basement full of placemats for all the seasons (you never know when you'll be entertaining and have to pull out 10 leaf-shaped placemats for your "Welcome Spring" party.....) - I'm talking about my trunk - the one on my body - and boy, does it have junk........
I "acquired" most of this junk by having three kids but I can't blame it all on them.....I blame most of it on two men in my life, one named Ben...the other Jerry.....seriously, can they stop coming up with flavors that scream out to me when I walk by the frozen foods? The other day I was shopping and I SWEAR that pint of Chunky Monkey said to me "I will make your hour of hell at Pilates class worth it....you can come home and justify eating the entire pint...."
So, here I am, with a "full" trunk, wondering how I am going to get into this damn dress for this wedding reception I am attending in a few weeks......you may think I am exaggerating but last week my daughter asked me if "all moms had big butts?" That was the kicker..........something had to be done......
Today, I made a commitment with three other friends to start a 6 day cleanse on Sunday.....it scares me to think of how toxic my body really is........I mean, what's still hiding in there? Is it booze? Is it those sausage & pepper sandwiches that you can buy at Yawkey Way? Does having pizza & beer every Friday have something to do with it?
Well, if the cleanse doesn't work maybe I'll make that call or invest in some "Super Spanx" or something....I believe Fergie said it best when she said "What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?..." Too bad there aren't any brothers that I'm driving crazy.......(damn you Fergie...I'm working on it.....)
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