My "interest" in "Pinterest"...

I was recently introduced to Pinterest by several friends.  For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last year or so and don't know what Pinterest is, here is the website: www.pinterest.com.  It's basically a site where people can pull together, images, recipes and other favorites from the web and have them all in a nice, neat package.  Now, back to being introduced...  When I say introduced, I'm referring to the type of introduction you had in high school to cigarettes or some other addicting substance.  Thanks a lot girls, I am now addicted to this website like it's crack.  Check me into rehab, because I am out of control.  I look like Nick Nolte in his famous mug shot right now as I sit on my couch and wait for my kids to get home from school.  Unless, I have somewhere to go where other people are counting on me, I am home "cleaning" and "cooking", oh yeah and "organizing" via Pinterest.  I have remodeled and redecorated my entire house (in my head).  I have found 173 gluten-free recipes to make and 341 crafts that I will be doing with my kids.  In fact, I have found so many things for my children that they will be crafting/creating with me until they go away to college.  I have quotes galore, I could probably wallpaper my house with quotes...funny quotes, family quotes, quotes about my kids, inspirational quotes and "make you think" quotes.  I have so many DIY projects for my husband to help me with that he started actually going to the gym.  He would rather have a brutal workout then come home and help me build a riser for our washer and dryer, imagine that?

I guess my question is, "What in the hell do I do with all this information?  I'm on overload.  I'm following people, people are following me...I'm starting to get paranoid.  Do you pick one thing a day and gradually chop away at it until it's done and then post "YOU DID IT!" or is it more of a private moment where you're just proud of yourself? 

Anyway, I figure that I'm going to have to start setting a timer to limit the amount of my day/life I spend on Pinterest.  It used to be "just during my coffee" I would browse around at friend's pins, but I can drag coffee out until at least 2 p.m.  I'm sure most people reading this are probably questioning how you can literally p*** your day away on a website?  Trust me, it can be done, when you're least expecting it....you look up suddenly, see the clock and it's time for your kids to get off the bus and you have been "pinning" the day away.

All I can say is Damn you Pinterest!  Damn you!  Now, I'm off to find a hat to cover my Nick Nolte hair and meet my kids at the bus stop.  When they ask me how my day was, I can say "Well kids, I had good intentions......"

When a spray tan goes wrong.......

You know when you think you have a REALLY good idea and then something in the plan foils and you think afterward, what exactly was going through my head?  Well, I recently did this very thing and had to "live" with the consequences....I mean "try and party" with the consequences......

My friend and I, let's call her "Nicole" were hanging out for the day as it was MY job to keep her out of the house for the day while our other friends and her family got ready for her surprise 40th birthday party.  We had a great lunch, talked and laughed as we usually do.  Then, as we were leaving lunch and headed back to our "destination" that we were going to spend the rest of the day at, we got this super cool idea!  Spray tan!!!!  ("Yay!  We'll look like we have a nice 'glow', it will be awesome, we'll feel so much better about ourselves, blah, blah, blah.....")

Now, I am probably THE whitest person you will ever meet, seriously, not kidding...  Some claim my skin actually turns a light shade of green in the winter due to my Irish descent.  Nicole on the other hand has some Spanish in her family tree, making her skin a little more olive, even when we are deathly pale in the good ol' Northeast winter.

So, we make a few calls and decide to go to our small, little downtown shop (population in our town in so low that you can actually play "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon" on a daily basis and then you realize you're married to your best friend's neighbor's cousin, or something like that.)  I'm not saying that our little town doesn't have wonderful things to offer and great small businesses, I just think when you decide to make a "cosmetic" change, do some research first.  I mean, when I finally go and get my first liposuction, I'm not going to ask someone in the pizza shop to do it....right?

So, Nicole and I get an appointment immediately (this should have been our first warning sign) and we drive on over.  We wait for our "spray tanning consultant" to arrive, meanwhile we are both silently questioning whether we should be doing this on the DAY of the party, but we proceed anyway.  Our judgement was clearly clouded and I think we were already drunk or something because we both proceeded into the "booth" and stripped down like someone was offering us a fistful of $1 dollar bills.

Now, my second concern should have been when the "consultant" said to me, "I think you'll be able to handle 2 coats, but you're just really, really 'fair'....."  I should have stopped her right there and said "Excuse me please, but when you say "handle" what exactly are you referring to?"  But no, again I was thinking of sun bronzed skin + really cute outfit = great start to a party, right?

I emerged from the booth ecstatic and then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror while "Nicole" was rolling around on the couch like she was having a seizure.  I was horrified....there stood and girl with the face of a pumpkin, nothing bronzed about it...  Right then, I should have put a candle in my mouth and ran around town yelling "Trick or Treat"!

We got into the car, I was almost in tears (I say almost because our "consultant" yelled after us; "No water on your faces girls, or your hands, or anywhere on your body for at least 24 hours, you'll STREAK!!!!"  Well, thank you for telling me that BEFORE the spray tan!  Does this woman not know I'm Type A, bordering on OCD?  I wash my hands at least 100+ a day!!!  So, I couldn't cry, I tried to tell my friend I could not attend her party, but obviously that was not an option, so we drove home, laughing (kind of) and trying to keep our arms up in the air as our armpits were starting to stick together......

I'll skip to the party and tell you the moral of this story as I'm sure now you get the picture....

First, the moral of the story:  DON'T GET A SPRAY TAN ON THE DAY OF YOUR EVENT, YOU WILL LOOK LIKE MAGDA FROM "SOMETHING ABOUT MARY"....If you don't believe me, try it, then I can say, "I told you so...."

So, my "friend" Nicole is the one who coined my nickname for the night "Magda".... I also received some wonderful other comments:

From the bartender (also, a supposed "friend"): "Do you want an orange drink to go with that orange?"
From some really funny "friends":  "Ya mon, how was Jamaica mon?"
From another "friend":  "You could pass for an Oompa Loompa, but a cuter version"  Gee, thanks.....
From some nicer patrons: "Wow, did you go away this week?"
From my friend "S" who never says an unkind word: "Don't listen to anyone here, you have a nice healthy glow..."
From my babysitter to her mother after I got home and she saw me: "Why is she orange?"

So, you see, nothing good comes from a spray tan.  At least a spray tan you get on the day of, and you haven't exfoliated and done any research or asked people for some referrals.

The funniest part about it?  I'm not a spontaneous person.  I have a planner that is all planned out until 2014.  I sleep with under my pillow for God's sake as it one of my prized possessions, besides my family of course.

So, I guess I all I can say about this weekend is that my "inner and outer" Magda came to life.  I should have been carrying around a white nasty dog in a body cast and had a cigarette dangling from my lips, but alas, all I had was the orange body.

So, let this be a lesson to everyone reading this......unless you want to be DAMN sure everyone will remember YOU at a certain event....even years later...




{Photo credit: "There's Something About Mary", used without permission from Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation}

Wasting Time 101

I'm starting a homeschool class titled 'Wasting Time 101" for anyone interested.  Although, I suspect in these parts, no one would show up (without a bag over their head so they couldn't be identified).  Time wasting is not something most people admit to.....it can be embarrassing, especially when you're a stay at home mom and you admit to not dusting, de-crusting, or whatever the hell it is we are exactly supposed to be doing on a daily basis.

I'm actually giving myself a "Get Out of Jail Free" card this week as I am sick and I have been a taxi cab service for the past few days.  "Living Out of Your Car 101" will be my next post, so more on that later....

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I have very "active" Facebook, Twitter & Pinterest accounts, to name a few.  Am I ashamed?  A little......  Facebook is really for my babysitters to communicate to each other on whether or not the captain of the football team is asking them to prom or who they're hangin' with at the moment, Twitter is for people who love hashmarks and bigger causes than my own (see Girl Scout Cookies & Band Raffles) and Pinterest is for visionaries, dreamers and people who can actually make it happen, which I never will, I just like to look like I have all these plans but in reality I'm watching "16 and Pregnant" or "Toddlers & Tiaras" while I "Pin".........

I actually am jealous of all the moms I know who have these amazingly clean and organized homes, who can cook a decent meal at night and it's ready to go when everyone's hungry and who can put a "To Do" list together and actually shower, get dressed, get in their car and execute every day (see? that just tires me out typing that much...)

What I think I need to do is take a "technology break" (this scares me just thinking about it), but it really is necessary.  Just this morning my 4 year old came up to me wanting me to tie ribbons up and down his arms as he was so bored because I was busy having a mock political debate on Facebook, something I'm not very good at and don't really like to get involved in.  So, I probably should have closed up the ol' MacBook and starting the ribbon tying instead of saying to him, "Keep trying, you're getting really good at doing that yourself!"

I found a good article titled "8 Simple Ways To Take A Technology Break" and I think I'm going to read it and I think I'm going to try it for at least 24 hours.......(note: "think" being the key word here)

Perhaps then, my poor husband can come home and not eat out of a can or the freezer and my kids will actually start growing properly because I've provided them a nutritious meal.  Maybe we will stop rooting through the dirty clothes basket because mom forgot to wash the uniform AGAIN!  Clothes will be laid out the night before, breakfast will be on the table and we will saunter out to the bus stop rather than sprint full speed to the car with clothes half on.  The dry cleaning will be hung in the closet, shelves will be labeled, and I will knit dog booties for my Lab so her feet don't get too cold in the snow......

So "I'm going black" (2 days late but it still counts in my head) and I'm referring to technology here for all you smart asses out there.....

(Hmm....wonder if anyone has a board on Pinterest dedicated to this....?)

{Photo credit to Dumb Little Man's Article "8 Simple Ways To Take A Technology Break"}

This Ain't the Love Boat Baby.......

OK.....so here we are, halfway through summer, and I am really exhausted. I am DONE.....stick a fork in me, I am completely fried.

You see, I have been playing the role of Julie McCoy all summer. I have planned beach days, pool play dates, picnics in the park, water slide days at home, movie sleepovers, you name it, I have done it.

Before I was a mom, I never understood why my own mom was so excited to see us go back to school in September (nothing against you Mom, if you're reading this.....) but, she was so thrilled to take us school supply shopping and send us out to the bus stop on the first day of school (now the martini in her hand makes sense....). I think it was because she was truly delirious.....seriously, now that I'm a mom of 3, I can truly relate.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind taking on this role, there are perks to summer vacation - sleeping in (although lately, my 2 year old thinks that 4:30 a.m. is sleeping in...) and the lack of a true schedule are wonderful, but, I have unfortunately raised kids who expect me to constantly entertain them. "Mom, what are we doing today?" "Mom, what are we doing tomorrow?" "Mom, did you know Johnny's mom is a lot more fun than you?"

When I announced to my kids that today was "Let You Kids Watch Endless Amounts Of TV" Day (while their brains slowly oozed out of their ears, seriously, look closely, after a few episodes of SpongeBob you can actually see their brains melting), they complained a little, until I threw in some popcorn and some old Halloween lollipops, then they were happy as little Ipswich clams....

So, I ask you, what would Julie McCoy do now? I'll tell you what she would do.....she would pull up a bar stool and tell Isaac to make her something really strong and ask Gopher to watch the kids in the pool for a while..

Julie and I just need a little break. We need to get some sleep, have a few cocktails and regroup......after all, there are only 50 more days of summer vacation left, we can do this....right?

I think I need a push.....

....make that a SHOVE in the right direction.

These posts always seem to occur after a night out at my favorite margarita joint. I wake up the next morning an hour late...which makes my kids late...which make my husband late and then comes around back to me and makes me even later.

I found myself this morning, waking up after 12 presses of the snooze button, VERY late. I was out last night "celebrating" with some girlfriends, and then a few margaritas later and a bad tinga chicken hangover, I find myself running to the car in my husbands giant slippers and roaring down the street while my neighbor gives me the "slow "down" sign (you know the waving that's vertical, rather than horizontal? I know how to slow down Mrs. X, thank you very much! Cripes!)

Anyway, after I turn around and change my shoes and adjust the shirt I am wearing which over night seems to have become a belly shirt (?)...I get back into my car. I smell tequila, not sure why, then I remember trying to "share" a "last" drink with someone the previous evening and most of it went into my jeans and shoe, which I'm still wearing (have I mentioned before that I am a CLASS act....?)

I go to volunteer at the school, notice how shiny my hair is in the mirror as I back out of my driveway, wait, that's grease.....hopefully, I won't see anyone I know at school......oh wait, my lucky day - it's FIRE DRILL day - I walk through the school as everyone, parent volunteers, teachers, and kids pour out of their classrooms and here I am, standing on the middle of it, with my alcohol soaked jeans, my rad hair and my belly shirt.......&^*#$@%&*^$!

The nice thing about me I guess, is that I am pretty unpredictable, I used to be very predictable before kids......I made my bed every morning, my pillows were all lined up, my dishes were done - I guess you could say I was rather boring. At least now, you never know if I have clean or dirty clothes on, if I'm showered or un-showered, or if I am still drunk. (Just kidding, I would never go to school drunk, unless I decide to enroll in some more college classes.)

Being the "unorganized, fly by the seat of your pants" kind of mom that I am, I sat in my son's school parking lot and arranged his birthday favors in the car, I set up an assembly line and 20 twisty ties later, I had some great goodie bags. Now, wouldn't that have been easier to do the night before? Maybe I could have bought his gifts before his actual birthday too.....no, that would have been WAY too much planning on my part. The only planning I seem to be able to do lately is when I am going to nap and when I have to stop wearing something before people say, 'Didn't she have that on the last 3 times I saw her?"

My answer to that? "probably".......

Knees are scraped.....but I'll get back up....again......

So, the last few months have been tough for me, for a variety of reason, none of which I will go into right now as either (a) they will bore you to tears (b) things could be worse (c) I have no ability to make a long story "short" or (d) none/all of the above.....

I guess I feel like every few days, my legs get kicked out from under me and I am down on the ground......then, I am back to that place where I can remember sitting up on my kitchen counter after I had fallen off my bike...my knees were scraped (I'm crying - big surprise) and my mom was spraying Bactine on them (while gently blowing on them as well to help ease the sting).......then I snap back into reality and realize, I'm the Mom now and no one is going to hoist me up on the counter and tell me it's going to be all right and ask me if I want a warm chocolate chip cookie.....

This winter totally "stank" - yep that's right - IT STANK! If you ask most New Englanders they will tell you it was a "mild one", "it wasn't that cold" or "the snow wasn't that bad".....well, all I remember are months of me and My Snuggie becoming BFF's and counting down the weeks until I was in a warmer place. I also am dealing with health issues for the first time in my life that I thought only "other people" got......it's scary...I keep telling myself I am "too young" or my kids are "too little" but that still doesn't change things.....

I am also dealing with some personal issues that everyone faces from time to time (mostly remember these particular issues occuring in Junior High, but, oh well....) which makes things harder.

Anyway, if I was reading a good motivational book right now, I'm sure Chapter One would be titled "Get Up, Dust Yourself Off, Stop Whining, and Deal With It"....so, I will.....just not sure where to start......

For now, I think I sit her in the dark with my parents cat (who makes me sneeze and cries incessantly), and make a plan, because if I sit here and feel sorry for myself, nothing will change...I'll wake up tomorrow and it will just be one more day I haven't dealt with the things I need to address.

I started this blog as a joke or to be funny (even if it was only for my own therapy) but I have found writing is something that is indeed, very therapeutic.....so I will most likely keep documenting my "trudge" uphill........and you jump on my back and come along for the ride if you'd like......

Don't even spell it....!

That's what I have been saying to my kids lately, now that they are older and I can proudly say they are learning to "spell" bad words........but bad words in my house include more than the traditional street list.....you know the ones I mean. We also have included "shut up" on our list along with the "i" word (idiot) and the "j" word (jerk)...I actually think I could write an alphabet book for my kids on what words they CAN'T say......

So anyway, I can't stand this word (shut up) when it is used to quiet another person...unless I'm watching "Knots Landing" reruns and Crystal and Alexis get in a slapping fight afterward....

It also isn't a bad word when you use it to cleverly name your new blog (just my opinion).....and so here it is....a blog that might interest many of you...fashion tips, where to score a deal...and maybe a little teaser of "did you know.....?"

http://hesaidshutup.blogspot.com/

Check it out........