This Ain't the Love Boat Baby.......

OK.....so here we are, halfway through summer, and I am really exhausted. I am DONE.....stick a fork in me, I am completely fried.

You see, I have been playing the role of Julie McCoy all summer. I have planned beach days, pool play dates, picnics in the park, water slide days at home, movie sleepovers, you name it, I have done it.

Before I was a mom, I never understood why my own mom was so excited to see us go back to school in September (nothing against you Mom, if you're reading this.....) but, she was so thrilled to take us school supply shopping and send us out to the bus stop on the first day of school (now the martini in her hand makes sense....). I think it was because she was truly delirious.....seriously, now that I'm a mom of 3, I can truly relate.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind taking on this role, there are perks to summer vacation - sleeping in (although lately, my 2 year old thinks that 4:30 a.m. is sleeping in...) and the lack of a true schedule are wonderful, but, I have unfortunately raised kids who expect me to constantly entertain them. "Mom, what are we doing today?" "Mom, what are we doing tomorrow?" "Mom, did you know Johnny's mom is a lot more fun than you?"

When I announced to my kids that today was "Let You Kids Watch Endless Amounts Of TV" Day (while their brains slowly oozed out of their ears, seriously, look closely, after a few episodes of SpongeBob you can actually see their brains melting), they complained a little, until I threw in some popcorn and some old Halloween lollipops, then they were happy as little Ipswich clams....

So, I ask you, what would Julie McCoy do now? I'll tell you what she would do.....she would pull up a bar stool and tell Isaac to make her something really strong and ask Gopher to watch the kids in the pool for a while..

Julie and I just need a little break. We need to get some sleep, have a few cocktails and regroup......after all, there are only 50 more days of summer vacation left, we can do this....right?

I think I need a push.....

....make that a SHOVE in the right direction.

These posts always seem to occur after a night out at my favorite margarita joint. I wake up the next morning an hour late...which makes my kids late...which make my husband late and then comes around back to me and makes me even later.

I found myself this morning, waking up after 12 presses of the snooze button, VERY late. I was out last night "celebrating" with some girlfriends, and then a few margaritas later and a bad tinga chicken hangover, I find myself running to the car in my husbands giant slippers and roaring down the street while my neighbor gives me the "slow "down" sign (you know the waving that's vertical, rather than horizontal? I know how to slow down Mrs. X, thank you very much! Cripes!)

Anyway, after I turn around and change my shoes and adjust the shirt I am wearing which over night seems to have become a belly shirt (?)...I get back into my car. I smell tequila, not sure why, then I remember trying to "share" a "last" drink with someone the previous evening and most of it went into my jeans and shoe, which I'm still wearing (have I mentioned before that I am a CLASS act....?)

I go to volunteer at the school, notice how shiny my hair is in the mirror as I back out of my driveway, wait, that's grease.....hopefully, I won't see anyone I know at school......oh wait, my lucky day - it's FIRE DRILL day - I walk through the school as everyone, parent volunteers, teachers, and kids pour out of their classrooms and here I am, standing on the middle of it, with my alcohol soaked jeans, my rad hair and my belly shirt.......&^*#$@%&*^$!

The nice thing about me I guess, is that I am pretty unpredictable, I used to be very predictable before kids......I made my bed every morning, my pillows were all lined up, my dishes were done - I guess you could say I was rather boring. At least now, you never know if I have clean or dirty clothes on, if I'm showered or un-showered, or if I am still drunk. (Just kidding, I would never go to school drunk, unless I decide to enroll in some more college classes.)

Being the "unorganized, fly by the seat of your pants" kind of mom that I am, I sat in my son's school parking lot and arranged his birthday favors in the car, I set up an assembly line and 20 twisty ties later, I had some great goodie bags. Now, wouldn't that have been easier to do the night before? Maybe I could have bought his gifts before his actual birthday too.....no, that would have been WAY too much planning on my part. The only planning I seem to be able to do lately is when I am going to nap and when I have to stop wearing something before people say, 'Didn't she have that on the last 3 times I saw her?"

My answer to that? "probably".......

Knees are scraped.....but I'll get back up....again......

So, the last few months have been tough for me, for a variety of reason, none of which I will go into right now as either (a) they will bore you to tears (b) things could be worse (c) I have no ability to make a long story "short" or (d) none/all of the above.....

I guess I feel like every few days, my legs get kicked out from under me and I am down on the ground......then, I am back to that place where I can remember sitting up on my kitchen counter after I had fallen off my bike...my knees were scraped (I'm crying - big surprise) and my mom was spraying Bactine on them (while gently blowing on them as well to help ease the sting).......then I snap back into reality and realize, I'm the Mom now and no one is going to hoist me up on the counter and tell me it's going to be all right and ask me if I want a warm chocolate chip cookie.....

This winter totally "stank" - yep that's right - IT STANK! If you ask most New Englanders they will tell you it was a "mild one", "it wasn't that cold" or "the snow wasn't that bad".....well, all I remember are months of me and My Snuggie becoming BFF's and counting down the weeks until I was in a warmer place. I also am dealing with health issues for the first time in my life that I thought only "other people" got......it's scary...I keep telling myself I am "too young" or my kids are "too little" but that still doesn't change things.....

I am also dealing with some personal issues that everyone faces from time to time (mostly remember these particular issues occuring in Junior High, but, oh well....) which makes things harder.

Anyway, if I was reading a good motivational book right now, I'm sure Chapter One would be titled "Get Up, Dust Yourself Off, Stop Whining, and Deal With It"....so, I will.....just not sure where to start......

For now, I think I sit her in the dark with my parents cat (who makes me sneeze and cries incessantly), and make a plan, because if I sit here and feel sorry for myself, nothing will change...I'll wake up tomorrow and it will just be one more day I haven't dealt with the things I need to address.

I started this blog as a joke or to be funny (even if it was only for my own therapy) but I have found writing is something that is indeed, very therapeutic.....so I will most likely keep documenting my "trudge" uphill........and you jump on my back and come along for the ride if you'd like......

Don't even spell it....!

That's what I have been saying to my kids lately, now that they are older and I can proudly say they are learning to "spell" bad words........but bad words in my house include more than the traditional street list.....you know the ones I mean. We also have included "shut up" on our list along with the "i" word (idiot) and the "j" word (jerk)...I actually think I could write an alphabet book for my kids on what words they CAN'T say......

So anyway, I can't stand this word (shut up) when it is used to quiet another person...unless I'm watching "Knots Landing" reruns and Crystal and Alexis get in a slapping fight afterward....

It also isn't a bad word when you use it to cleverly name your new blog (just my opinion).....and so here it is....a blog that might interest many of you...fashion tips, where to score a deal...and maybe a little teaser of "did you know.....?"

http://hesaidshutup.blogspot.com/

Check it out........

Just not funny anymore.....

So, I haven't posted in a long time....I guess I have had nothing to write about that could seem humorous to others? (Besides the fact that my neighbor caught me in my robe this morning for the 5th day in a row?)

Other than that, I just don't have the "material" I felt I once had...I think I have settled into a somewhat normal pattern like all the other families in my town.......too many sports, activities, commitments for each child - CHECK! feeling like the bus driver, the maid, the short order cook - CHECK! and...not to be left out - swine flu - CHECK! (This is where I wish I was writing....."Being whisked away for a week in the Caribbean - PRICELESS")

Anyway, I found this great website through an awesome mom blog that I found last night and I wanted to share it......yep, that's what I do now, I read blogs about being a stay at home mom, blogs on raising kids that will hopefully be stable adults and blogger tips on being the most frugal mom on the planet......I know, I should slow down, people will NOT be able to keep up with me...

So, this website gives you the ability to download your favorite photo and make it into a FREE 8 x 10 canvas, that's right - it is absolutely free - minus the shipping, but who cares - the canvas is free! Yay! These are the things that make the Stay at Home Moms run around the house with a toilet brush in one hand and a mop in the other exclaiming "I'M WORTH IT!!!!!!!!"

http://www.canvaspeople.com/

Props to http://www.moneysavingmom.com/ for finding this awesome deal and for having a great blog!

Wrinkles & Roots....

So, I'm not sure if I should hug my sister or slap her....I mean, if I slap her, it will be in a "sisterly love" kind of way...

She just got a new computer and she has these really cool features on it...I'm not going to go into detail here....if you want more on these features, tune into any Primetime show and wait for the commercial that starts out "Hi, I'm a Mac...Hi, I'm a PC"....

Anyway, she was just making some fun videos of the kids (which they loved...especially the "chipmunk" voice feature) and then off to bed they went, without a hitch, just brushed their teeth, tucked themselves in and they were off to Dreamland.....(nah, not really, but let's pretend it happened that way...)

My sister, being the extremely hilarious person that she is, decided it would be really funny to leave the camera running (kind of like a Big Brother/Supernanny episode) and captured some really stimulating video of my husband and I fighting over the correct way to do our child's homework and me carrying a bunch of dirty laundry around the house while complaining that all I do are dishes and laundry all day...it was thrilling. If anyone would like to see it, just send me an email.....it will also be on YouTube momentarily....

I guess the whole point of this is that two things happened here tonight..the first is that I came up with the title for my new book 'Wrinkles & Roots" and second, I verified one of my biggest fears: YES, I LOOK OLDER. YES, THIS LAST BIRTHDAY HURT A LITTLE...ACTUALLY QUITE A LOT. YES, I WOULD GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL OR COLLEGE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY.

I remember the days where I could just throw on a baseball hat with no makeup and go out to breakfast and I still looked just as good as I did the night before (well, at least I thought that). These days, if I leave the house with a baseball hat on and no makeup I am usually greeted with "What's wrong?", "Are you sick?" or "Have you given up totally?"

I guess, part of getting older, having another birthday and feeling like you just completed your millionth load of laundry is that sometimes you don't feel too glamorous. Sometimes, you wonder why you have more wrinkles (let's call them laugh lines - it sounds "prettier"), dark roots (my daughter always asks me why I have so many different colors in my hair) and a few extra lbs. on the ol' frame. Do I embrace it? Do I scream? Or do I relocate to SoCal and get my lips plumped and my thighs sucked out?

I guess I'm not sure of the answer to this one. When I do decide to finally pen my memoir, 'Wrinkles & Roots", please be sure to all buy a copy and I might let you slap my sister for free.

Rockin' Out in the Mumu......

So, it's Friday....and 2 out of my 3 kids are at home with me today. There is a possibility of rain in the forecast which means for me that I hide out in the house all day and when my 5 & 1 year old sons start to jump off the furniture for entertainment...I act surprised.

I decided that today is a perfect "mumu" day. If I had a mumu I would rock it out today..I might add a necklace or some fuzzy slippers to make it a little more appealing but I would be wearing it all day. Am I embarrassed that someone might come to my door and find me in this get up? Not at all.....

As a good old friend once said to me (a few months back), when I "acted" embarrassed that he had "caught me" unshowered that day and still in my pajamas at 4:00 p.m., "Don't worry Meagan, I have known you a long time and I have seen you look a lot worse." Well, thank you kind friend, I think........

I guess I just have a problem with trying to fit my mom butt & cankles in to some overpriced Juicy sweatsuit only to have all the fun "surprises" that I find on a daily basis ruin my $200 terry cloth number in one fell swoop.....

For example, I just opened my freezer this morning and encountered one of my child's "experiments" (as she lovingly refers to them). Within seconds of opening the door, I met an avalanche of "heart shaped half frozen ice cubes made out of yogurt, water and some other liquid" that apparently hadn't froze all of the way yet. I guess that's my bad. I probably should just stay out of there and hope for the best.

Example #2 would be when my youngest son likes to use me as his "human tissue". I don't think I have to go into much detail here. Apparently, if you don't have a tissue handy...I'm your go-to-girl. He especially likes to come up to me and spit out anything that he has put in his mouth and then deems unsuitable for his palette.

Another reason why a mumu would be perfect for me is because of some of the scarier "items" I come across in my house from time to time. Obviously, if I had a cleaning person, I wouldn't be subjected to these things, but my husband wasn't swayed by this argument so here I am.

Yesterday I was walking past the doorway and thought we had adopted some sort of new furry creature, which wouldn't be that weird around here as we are animal lovers. Just last month I came home to find some frogs and a snail on my kitchen counter with a note that said "Dear Meag, Here are the perfect pets for the kids! Love, Mom" Thanks Mom......I'll be sure to repay the favor at a later date........Anyway, back to the furry creature......it turned out that it was not in fact alive, just a ball that had been created, much like the tumbleweeds you see in the desert. The recipe? Some dog hair, a daughter that brushes her locks more than Marcia Brady and construction at your neighbor's house, and you have a perfect and unique dust bunny. If I was wearing the mumu when I found that little gem, I could have begun my spring cleaning (so what that it's fall....some of us have been busy, OK?). So, instead of cleaning, I threw some water on "it" to see if it would multiply and when that didn't work I set him up with the frogs and the snail, they seemed lonely.

So, if anyone knows where I can get a mumu (please don't tell me to go to some smelly army/navy story...I can't take those places), let me know. Until then, I'll just keep avoiding doing all the things a "housewife" should be doing during the day, because after all, you need the proper clothes to do your job well and I obviously need to go shopping. Maybe I'll open up a mumu store......I think more people would wear them if they were readily available.....don't you? And thank you Mrs. Roper (and her stylist), I never knew that all those years that I invested into Three's Company would come back to help me at some point later on in life...